Chapter 4 of NurtureShock talks about Why Kids Lie?
For parents it asks the question: '"How important is the virtue of honesty and truthfulness in our own lives?" Remember those times when you told a little white lie to that telemarketer that called when you just got home from work? We all have done it but is it really acceptable if we really value the virtue of honesty.
One of the main points of the book is that kids learn lying from us. According to the book, children only discern that the information is incorrect. They have a hard time discerning intent. Those white lies we inadvertently say to avoid conflict in social situations have a greater effect on kids than we think.
For the most part, young kids lie for the following reasons: self-preservation, fear of punishment, and to please. The book gives many examples of each.
I found lying to please an interesting point. In the chapter, it says that when kids lie, giving them immunity to tell truth isn't enough (taking away the fear of punishment). They still would lie because they want to make you happy. Young kids think, "My parent really wishes I didn't do it in the first place; if I say I didn't, that's my best chance of making my parent happy."
The better approach when catching you kids at a lie is to say to them "I will not be upset with you that you lied, and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy." This way they know that they won't get in trouble and that they'd be in your good graces again. I guess the point is, your emphasizing that it's good to tell the truth.
This is a bit of a complex topic to over simplify. I just remember all those times when I caught my then little sister lying to me and how I reacted. I probably just instilled the fear of punishment in her. Certainly the points in the book has given me something to think about when the time comes that my son learns to lie. Yikes...
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