The Suburban Dad

Benefits of Hiring a Nanny (Response to Daycare Choices post)

Received a great comment from Candi from Nannies4Hire.com.  It's worth a re-post as a response to my previous entry - Daycare Choices - home care, group care, grandparents, nannies?

In today’s society, there are many benefits of hiring a nanny:

1. COST. If you have two or more children, it may be cost effective for you to hire a nanny as many daycare centers can cost you more. Also, many families are using “nanny share”. This is an arrangement in which two families share one nanny. This cuts down on costs but you still experience the benefits of having a nanny.

2. HEALTH OF THE CHILDREN. You may have healthier children by keeping them away from the large groups of children typically found in daycare. Germs are easily spread from child to child, so daycare centers can be breeding grounds for every cold and flu of the season. When your children contract illnesses, it takes an emotional toll on both you and your children. Further, they may miss school, you may miss work, and you may incur expenses associated with doctor’s visits and medications. Your children’s exposure to germs, and thus the risks discussed here, can be dramatically diminished by simply using the services of a nanny. 

3. WORKPLACE PRODUCTIVITY. If your children are sick, many daycare centers will not accept your children. However, if you have a nanny, you can still go to work as the nanny will stay home with the children. Further, if you have an attentive nanny at home with your children, you will be less likely to feel like you just can’t concentrate at work due to concern for your children. By staying focused at work, your workplace productivity remains high.

4. HOME WORKLOAD DELEGATION. A nanny can help you maintain work/life balance. For example, a nanny can be an extra pair of hands helping with household duties such as laundry, errands, transporting children, and starting the evening meal. This allows for more quality family time when the parents arrive home. No need to rush in the morning to get the kids out the door for daycare or school: a nanny is an extra pair of hands in the morning....

Source: http://blog.nannies4hire.com/benefits-of-hiring-a-nanny-2/309

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I can totally appreciate the points made in this post.  I had a nanny growing up and it sure made my parents' lives a lot easier. 

In regards to point #2, having a sick child is certainly a challenge however way you look at it. But to say, your child is better protected at home from sickness might be a slippery slope argument.  In this anti-bacterial society we have, treating your home like a bubble for sickness isn't necessarily the best thing either. 

There are certainly circumstances in which a child might be better off at home.  All in all, there are many more factors that affect health in general such as sleep, diet, mental well-being.  Finally on this point, children do have something called 'an immune system'.

Again, regardless of your daycare situation, there are circumstances you can't control.  Getting sick is one of them. Nannies get sick too.  In that case, a parent still needs to find an alternate solution. I'm sure nanny services such as Nannies4Hire have alternate nannies.

My wife and I had a nanny for our son between 12 and 15 months before we put him in daycare.  Our nanny was great and do appreciate points #3 and #4.  My wife and I would probably consider a nanny when we have another child or more.  A friend of ours recently had twin boys on top of her already 2 toddler boys.  In this case, I can see how a nanny would be more beneficial.

I wish all the best to nannies out there!  There are days when I wish Mary Poppins would fly into our house.

Note: TheSuburbanDad.com is not endorsing Nannies4Hire.com.

Daycare Choices - home care, group care, grandparents, nannies?

Unless your a stay-at-home parent, most parents need a form of daycare - whether it's at a group licensed daycare, a home daycare, a nanny, a babysitter, grandparents, or after school care.

My wife and I are still new parents.  We're still figuring out what works best of our family.  I'm sure we will have to readjust all over again when we have a second one or more?  Our reality is both of us have to work and so we need daycare for our son.  We are fortunate enough that the son's daycare is very good.  After three months of adjusting to the daycare, he thoroughly enjoys being there with the other kids.  He's able to interact with other kids and hone his social skills.

He's still learning.  The other day, he stuck his finger in another kid's mouth and got bitten.  We've had quite a few incident reports about him getting bit.  It's all part of the learning process for him.  For us, we're quite happy with the way things are going for him at the daycare.  Before, he used to cry every time we drop him off in the morning.  Now, he smiles when he sees the other kids and waves goodbye to us.  

When we pick him up in the afternoon, he's elated to see us but nowhere near the feeling that he's been wanting to be 'rescued' the whole time he was there.  There are days, when he's having a good time playing, he doesn't want to leave quite yet.  Yes we know the argument here, is that we miss what happens with him between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.  For us, we feel where he is during the day, he'll get more out of it if he was at home all day by himself.

It's funny, some people who have asked us where is our son while we work, they're surprised when we say he's in daycare. In the Filipino culture (especially in the Philippines), everyone has a nanny (or 'yaya').   People have children and don't worry about finding a daycare since they can just hire a 'nanny' easily and cheaply.  Here in North America, a live-out full-time nanny can cost a family about $1500-$1800 a month depending on what they do on top of watching your kid and the number of kids.  A live-out or live-in nanny becomes more worth it when you have multiple children since a group daycare can cost you $700-$1200 a month/kid depending on where you live. 

Every family makes their own choices on daycare based on their circumstances.  Some choose to have be stay-at-home parents. Some choose to have a nanny.  Some are lucky to have family able to help out.  Some to choose to send their kids to group daycare.  I feel one choice is not better than the other.  All have their respective advantages and challenges.  

Parenting is hard work. You have to work with your daycare provider to provide the most ideal situation for everyone, most especially to your little one.  Whatever solution you think works best for your family, more power to you!

How about kids getting sick at a group daycare?

Ever heard the comments group daycare is an invitation for sickness.  I've heard a few people say, they're never sending their kids to group daycare for that reason.  When I hear comments like that, it's a little bit annoying.  It's a disservice to the staff of a group daycare who do a great job in maintaining a safe, happy environment for the kids.  It's a disservice to parents who send their children to group daycares which implies they just let their kids run loose with germs.

The reality is, kids get sick, but so do adults.  Ever count how many sick days people use at your respective workplace during flu season.  As a parent, you do have to do your due diligence to make sure your daycare has a policy regarding handling sickness and also to not send your kids if they are contagiously sick.  But to say, your kid gets sick solely on the basis they're in daycare is a little bit unfair. 

We've had our son sent home and not allowed to come back for at least two days of being symptom free. Any sign of diarrhea or vomit, our daycare sends the kid home as soon as possible. It's hard when your kid gets sick.  When you can't send them to daycare, finding an alternate solution can be challenging. It's important to have a back-up plan just in case.  Do you have your parents or other parent friends living nearby who can be your back-up?

Here's a previous blog post about Sick Kids - Stay home or send to daycare?

Skype saves the day for long-distance families

When my wife and I got married, we traded our long-distance relationship (My wife's originally from Toronto and I'm the one who's from Vancouver.) with long-distance families.  After getting married, the distance between my wife and I got smaller, but our life doesn't just begin and end with us.  

Making sure our son gets to know his grandparents and aunt and uncles from Toronto is very important.  We've been fortunate in the last year and a half that my wife's family have been able to travel to Vancouver quite often and also us to Toronto.  This past Christmas was special since we were able to spend it with both sides of our family and extended family here in Vancouver.  Each opportunity our son gets to spend time with his Toronto family is very special as each visit is really an 'event' (as visits were to my wife and I while we were dating - 17 cities over 3 years).    

Even on my side of the family, my dad's sister and my grandmother are living in the Philippines.  My mom's whole family (5 brothers and sisters and their children), my grandparents are all living in LA.  She's the only one here.  My mom-in-law's brothers and their families are all in the US as well.  She's the only one here in Canada.  Visits sometimes can be few and far between. 

Any form of communication or contact becomes essential when in any form of long-distance relationships. Email, cellphones, Facebook all become portals of communication to share stories and memories of each other.  Lately, my wife's parents discovered Skype and are having Skype dates with our son.  It's great since he gets to see them and interact with them even if it is only in video form.  It's great that he understands that it's his grandparents on the screen.  Even for a short time, they can share a moment with our son seeing the sparkle in his eye.  

Skype saves the day for long-distance families.  Hoping they would invent that Star Trek teleport in reality already.  

8 Days Before Christmas and the house is looking like a disaster zone

The common sentiment among many of my parent friends is that there's really not enough time to keep your house spic and span 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  Some have resorted to hiring cleaning ladies to help keep up with the day-to-day chores.  I would love someone to clean the house once a week but at this point it's more a luxury than a need.

It's not everyday that our house is a 'disaster' zone but when things get busy (like around the Holidays) ...things just start to pile on top of each other.  It's 8 days before Christmas and there is lots to do to get ready!  From unwrapped presents to laundry to groceries to scattered toys.....everywhere I look there's something that needs to be done.   We won't kill ourselves over a laundry basket that hasn't been put away for a couple days. We know that things will get done.....eventually.

I'm sure a lot of parents will agree that sometimes you feel that you can't catch up to where you really want to be. My wife and I just try to really try to have a sense of humour about everything.   She's really good at keeping things in perspective.  I think I mentioned before that I asked her once why she doesn't 'worry'.  She said it's because, "I'm just a happy person". 

She's just a happy person she says.  Phew! At least one of us is in a generally happy state 24/7.  Meanwhile, I tend to think of the micro-details of everything and get caught up in its web too often.  I struggle to get myself untangled.  When I get those moments, I hear my friend's voice in my head saying -- "Don't get too stressed out - STOP CARING SO MUCH!"  It's not that I shouldn't care.  I just need to 'relax' a little. 

A year and a half into this parenting business, I'm not really sure if it's getting 'easier'.  As each month passes, the previous month just becomes a bit of a blur.  Each month I just think -- we survived another one.  I take comfort that my wife and I are still standing -- together.

Getting married and raising a family was what we wanted for our life as a couple.  The 'reality' is just a tad different from the 'dream'.  But I'd rather have the reality over it just being a 'dream'.  Every time I see our son sleeping peacefully each night, it's enough of an accomplishment for the day.  All the dirty dishes, unfolded laundry, and whatever chore that's been left undone -- doesn't seem so important.  Whatever we did during the day that allowed our son to sleep peacefully - it's enough.

This is truly all we could hope for each day.  Tomorrow we will try again.

'Ohana' mean family

From Wikipedia:

Part of Hawaiian culture, ohana means family in an extended sense of the term including blood-related, adoptive or intentional. It emphasizes that family are bound together and members must cooperate and remember one another.

Some of you may recognize the word from the movie Lilo and Stitch. - "Ohana means family - no one gets left behind."

Today was one of those days when everything seemed to pile on top of each other.  Being the dad (maybe some of you other dads can relate), you have the tendency to want to 'fix' things.  I think it's a guy thing to do.  Ironically, most of the time, my wife says that there really isn't much 'fixing' that needs to be done. 

I remembered the quote from Lilo and Stitch as I thought about what to share today.  I know - I'm taking perspective from a kid's movie. But seriously, the 'no one gets left behind part' speaks volumes to how I feel most of the time being a 'dad'.  You don't want anything to be left behind -- not your marriage, not your child, not your professional life, and most especially not your family life.  Most days feel like a puzzle as you try to fit all the pieces together. 

I just need to take a deep breath.

Sick Kid - Stay home or send to daycare?

Last week was tough.  In a blog post last week about work-life balance, I talked about being able to work from home while my son was sick.  We brought him to daycare on Wednesday but when we picked him up, we were told he had diarrhea.  Yikes.  The daycare wouldn't take him the next day so my wife had to take the day off on Thursday.  She brought him tot he doctor and said that he's got a respiratory infection and could be mild bronchitis.  Great!  So I decided to just stay home and just take a vacation day on Friday.

Our daycare, as most daycares, has a sick policy.  I guess I missed the point that if your kid has diarrhea - they have to stay home.  Luckily, our son didn't have diarrhea for long. After digging around a little, I saw this Globe and Mail article, Sick Kids: Send them to Daycare or Stay home?. In the article it said that the Candian Pediatric Society recommends the following regarding sick kids and daycare:

-All child-care centres should have a written policy (in accordance with provincial or territorial health policies) on the management of a sick child, which is reviewed by all staff.

-The policy should contain information on recognizing an emergent illness or injury, and on when to call for an ambulance, the proper use of antibiotics and the characteristics of common pediatric infections.

-Child-care centres should document the reason why a child is excluded from care.

-Children with strep throat or pink eye should have 24 hours of antibiotic therapy before returning to child care.

-Children with diarrhea should be excluded if their stool cannot be contained in a diaper, cannot be controlled by a toilet-trained child, or there are signs of fever or blood or mucus in the stool.

This is every working parent's dilemna - what to do when your child is sick and can't go to his/her daycare.  It helps to be clear on when and why not to bring your sick kid to daycare.  Obviously, we wouldn't want other parents to send their sick child to daycare either.  We got through this one.  We just hope everything's back to normal now.

 

Work-Life Balance is Awesome!

As a parent, having flexibility with my time with work is a valuable asset.  The last couple of days, my son has been besieged with a terrible cold.  We can't really bring him to daycare (since they have a sick policy) and also not wanting to risk infecting the other children.

I've been here at home with him.  Luckily, I'm able to work from home.  My hours of work yesterday were broken up by his meal times and some playtime.  I'm able to do most of my work during his naptime.  This is one of those cases when the rule, "sleep when they sleep" does not apply.

Thank you to my employer for being understanding and flexible.  Though, I may not earn the super big bucks, getting to stay home with my son when he's sick is pretty much 'priceless'. 

Watch this and it'll make you want to hug your mommy!

Why Kids Lie?

Chapter 4 of NurtureShock talks about Why Kids Lie? 

For parents it asks the question: '"How important is the virtue of honesty and truthfulness in our own lives?"  Remember those times when you told a little white lie to that telemarketer that called when you just got home from work? We all have done it but is it really acceptable if we really value the virtue of honesty. 

One of the main points of the book is that kids learn lying from us.  According to the book, children only discern that the information is incorrect.  They have a hard time discerning intent.  Those white lies we inadvertently say to avoid conflict in social situations have a greater effect on kids than we think.

For the most part, young kids lie for the following reasons: self-preservation, fear of punishment, and to please. The book gives many examples of each.

I found lying to please an interesting point.  In the chapter, it says that when kids lie, giving them immunity to tell truth isn't enough (taking away the fear of punishment).  They still would lie because they want to make you happy. Young kids think, "My parent really wishes I didn't do it in the first place; if I say I didn't, that's my best chance of making my parent happy."

The better approach when catching you kids at a lie is to say to them "I will not be upset with you that you lied, and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy."  This way they know that they won't get in trouble and that they'd be in your good graces again.  I guess the point is, your emphasizing that it's good to tell the truth.

This is a bit of a complex topic to over simplify.  I just remember all those times when I caught my then little sister lying to me and how I reacted.  I probably just instilled the fear of punishment in her.   Certainly the points in the book has given me something to think about when the time comes that my son learns to lie.  Yikes...

Am I starting to become a 'praise junkie'?

As an early 30th birthday present, my dad gave me this book yesterday - NurtureShock.  He like to give books so I didn't really pay much attention to it as I've never heard of the book before.

On the train today, I read the first chapter "The Inverse Power of Praise".  Upon finishing the chapter, I asked myself, "Am I starting to become a praise junkie?" My wife and I do try to be as encouraging and reinforce positive behaviour by praising.  Our son is only 15 months old and I'm sure his head isn't as big as a Goodyear blimp because of the 'praise' he's received.  The chapter just brought to light the power of praise on both the possible negative and positive effects on our son.

Our children are so special to each parent's eyes that we think they're the most- ____________  (insert your favorite adjective here) in the world.  When does it become too much?

The main thing I took away from the chapter is that we have to 'praise' with context - for trying, for hard work, for trying to master a skill, for never giving up.  Praising for the sake of praising is really not useful for anyone. Children can tell if you are sincere or just saying 'hot air'.  They start taking for granted the value of perseverance and hard work.

The chapter is certainly coming from both a common-sense and academic view point.  It's certainly a very interesting read and there's a lot more I haven't conveyed. 

I'll be sharing the rest of my reflections on the succeeding chapters of this book.

Here's a link to an ABC News feature on the subject.