The Suburban Dad

Am I starting to become a 'praise junkie'?

As an early 30th birthday present, my dad gave me this book yesterday - NurtureShock.  He like to give books so I didn't really pay much attention to it as I've never heard of the book before.

On the train today, I read the first chapter "The Inverse Power of Praise".  Upon finishing the chapter, I asked myself, "Am I starting to become a praise junkie?" My wife and I do try to be as encouraging and reinforce positive behaviour by praising.  Our son is only 15 months old and I'm sure his head isn't as big as a Goodyear blimp because of the 'praise' he's received.  The chapter just brought to light the power of praise on both the possible negative and positive effects on our son.

Our children are so special to each parent's eyes that we think they're the most- ____________  (insert your favorite adjective here) in the world.  When does it become too much?

The main thing I took away from the chapter is that we have to 'praise' with context - for trying, for hard work, for trying to master a skill, for never giving up.  Praising for the sake of praising is really not useful for anyone. Children can tell if you are sincere or just saying 'hot air'.  They start taking for granted the value of perseverance and hard work.

The chapter is certainly coming from both a common-sense and academic view point.  It's certainly a very interesting read and there's a lot more I haven't conveyed. 

I'll be sharing the rest of my reflections on the succeeding chapters of this book.

Here's a link to an ABC News feature on the subject.

Your Baby Is Smarter Than You Think

By ALISON GOPNIK, New York Times

Published: August 16, 2009

GENERATIONS of psychologists and philosophers have believed that babies and young children were basically defective adults — irrational, egocentric and unable to think logically. The philosopher John Locke saw a baby’s mind as a blank slate, and the psychologist William James thought they lived in a “blooming, buzzing confusion.” Even today, a cursory look at babies and young children leads many to conclude that there is not much going on.

New studies, however, demonstrate that babies and very young children know, observe, explore, imagine and learn more than we would ever have thought possible. In some ways, they are smarter than adults. For the full story..